Been awhile...

Well, it's been a long while since I have "rambled" here.

I have to start by apologizing to the readers and friends I had before I abruptly stopped writing. I am really sorry for just stopping cold turkey and not saying good-bye, or telling anyone that I was going to take a break or anything... I kinda just "fell" off the edge of the world.

I didn't plan on stopping, it just sorta happened. The holidays have always been a rough time for me, and this year it hit me rather hard, with all of the things that were going on in my life. I ended up in a serious depression that lasted for quite a few months.

Since I wrote last my financial situation has become pretty serious. "Sweetie" has decided to move on without me. My son, Two, has moved away to college, and my two youngest daughters have stopped coming over as frequently. So I have been dealing with money issues, loss of the love of my life, and an empty nest.

I have started to recover emotionally through a little medication, therapy, support of my friends and family, and sheer of will to finally get myself moving again.

"Sweetie" said she needed "time" last spring, and I spent most of the spring and summer hoping that after awhile she might come back. I signed up to match.com and eharmony.com and met some new people, and had a few dates. Through those sites I have made some new friends, some of which have become really good friends.

I am still looking though for someone that might be interested in being more than a friend, but then again, I am not in a real hurry. Although I will admit I prefer to not be alone. I thought I was over "Sweetie" because of the length of time it's been, but recently I saw her car at a local restaurant. I hung around a few minutes to see who she was with, and when I did, I realized I still wasn't completely over her. She wasn't with anyone I knew, but I saw she was happy and having a good time, and it filled me with mixed feelings. I was happy that she was smiling and having a good time, but at the same time sad that it wasn't with me.

We have talked since then and she has told me that she has moved beyond needing time to finally saying that she doesn't want to be with me any longer. At first, it hurt pretty bad, but very quickly that feeling was replaced with a feeling of closure, or weight being lifted off my heart. I was holding out hope that she would come back and it was weighing me down, and my heart was growing heavier day by day, without me realizing it. When she finally said to me that we weren't going to get back together, the weight lifted and I realized how much weight I had been carrying.

I still care for her, but now I feel able to really move on. One of the hard parts, besides saying good bye to her, was ending the relationship with her son. I have been a part of her family for almost 6 years, and I love him like he is one of my own kids. I wanted to continue the relationship with him, but I can't because she doesn't want to be a part of my life, and if her son is still in my life, then she has to be. I know I hurt him by telling him I couldn't hang or talk with him any longer, but I also know it's for the best. I wish him the best, and I hope and pray he becomes a great guy and someone that I can be proud of.

I am now in the process of moving my duplex to the marital home. It needs a lot of work, and because of that I can't rent it out. I can however, rent out the duplex I am living in. So I am going to move out of the duplex and rent it, so I can hopefully relieve some of the financial stress.

Thanks for taking the time to read, and I will try to write more frequently, and if I decide to stop again, I promise I will not do it as abruptly. I also want to once again apologize for anyone that used to read, comment and talk with me for my bad blogging behavior. I hope you forgive me.

Later Lou