Lunch

I am sitting in one of my local lunch hangouts, a place my co-workers and I refer to as the "$2 pizza place", but it is actually called "Adrian's Pizza". They have a lunch special for $1.99 where you get a small (personal sized) cheese pizza and a drink. The pizza is actually pretty big, yummy, and it is paired up with a free refill drink. All together it makes a great lunch. The $2 pizza isn't the only lunch special, and it's not the only good, inexpensive food either. I usually get the Italian Hoagie lunch special: a good sized Italian sandwich with a large order of fresh fries, and a free refill drink, all together for under $5. Who says you have to carrt in a lunch to eat inexpensively? However, eating healthy is a whole different issue!

Last night (Thursday) our bowling team lost big time... I mean really big time. We didn't win a single game, and lost all 7 points. No oppurtunity for optimism there, except that next week we bowl a pretty weak team, unlike the team we bowled last night... To be honest, the team we bowled against wasn't really the problem, rather we just really didn't bowl well last night. I once again bowled under my average, and I believe most (if not all) of my team mates bowled under their averages as well... I think we need to start practicing, get professional training, or maybe we should wish upon a star?

Wednesday night I finally gave in on one of my new year's resolutions: No carbonated drinks. I had run out of bottled water at home, and I didn't feel like making iced tea. Sitting in the fridge was a few remaining cans of root beer that "Two" had asked me to get for him. I was at home alone, and still feeling a little down about "Sweetie" telling me she was "moving on", so I fell off the wagon and had the beer... the root beer. But I didn't stop with just one... I had two, and after last night's loss, I had another... I think I am becoming a root beer aholoic! :-)

It's time to go back to work, yeah... I went back to work yesterday, after my two day mental health break. I have talked briefly to "Sweetie", but there isn't anything positive to report on that front... (sigh)...

Later Lou

Mental Health Day

I know that today isn't the "World Mental Health Day", which means it's not October 10th, but I took a Mental Health day off from work today anyways.

Yesterday "Sweetie" told me she wanted to "move on" and not be with me any longer. She didn't say that because she has met anyone else (that I know of) or because I am treating her bad or anything that I am aware of... and knowing her, I am sure she would have told me if I was... no she is "moving on" because we can't seem to agree on some things... specifically my "baggage".

If you read my profile (see it's on the right of this blog), or have read any number of posts in this blog then you know I am a single father with four wonderful kids (one of which is on her own now). Well she wants someone without baggage, or someone with a lighter load. I know that sounds bad, but she wants what any woman would want... (I think anyway)... A man who will devote himself to her completely, and since I see my kids pretty regulary I can't be with her all the time. She has her own kids (one of which is on her own now as well), and she doesn't want to be the "Brady Bunch".

We have been dating for quite some time (almost 5 years), and I kept hoping that she would warm up to the idea, and come to not only accept it, but enjoy it, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I really love her, but I can't stay in the relationship if she can't accept me for me... and unfortunately for the situation "me" is a father of 4 (3 still under 18).

The biggest thing she doesn't enjoy, and for this I don't blame her, is the things that I go through with "Ex". She dropped a house on me recently, not like Wizard of Oz, but she abandoned the marital home, and now it's my responsibility. "Sweetie" thinks I should just get rid of it, and even though I would love to, it's not really that simple. To get rid of it, I need to sell it, and in it's current state, no one wants it. So I have to fix it up with money I don't have, and hope to sell it or rent it. With the market being what it is recently, I am sure selling isn't an option any time soon. "Sweetie" doesn't want to share the responsibility of that baggage either. Again, I don't blame her for that, I don't want it either, but I don't really have a choice.

I don't blame her for any of her feelings... She has had a lot of crap in her life, and she just wants an uncomplicated relationship, or at least an uncomplicated life. My baggage makes our relationship and her life complicated. She has a choice to be a part of my complications or not, and she is choosing not to... I sometimes wish I could make that choice... but if I did, I would miss out on all of the things I enjoy... my kids, her, her kids, my work, my friends, and everything in between...

I want it all including the complications, and apparently that's not how it's going to happen.

"Sweetie" if you read this, please know that I love you and I always will. I want to be with you, but I can't stop being me. Hopefully someday you may change your mind and join me on my roller coaster, but if not, I understand and will still love you and want you to be happy. You are more to me than a girlfriend, you are my best friend, and I miss you already. You helped me to become more than I thought I ever could be, and I hope you will always think fondly of me.

Later Lou

Happy Birthday Sweetie

Happy Birthday "Sweetie"!

You are the best, and deserve at least 100 or so more great birthdays!

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Today is "Sweetie's" birthday. So I am hoping for a little birthday grace, so that she will forgive me for causing things to run a foul yesterday.

It all started yesterday morning (Sunday)... It became a huge lounge day. I had planned to go finish up the yard work at the old marital home that we started last Wednesday. But all day rain kept me inside and on the couch. The few times I did get out of the house were to take "Two" to work and back, and then later out to a friends house to work on a group homework assignment. I can't say that it was uneventful, as I was able to upset "Sweetie", which of course is something I am apparently pretty good at. This fact and her being sad depressed me, and probably contributed to my continued lack of desire to get off the couch later in the day. Might have also contributed to my feeling of 'raining' inside as well as out. Here's the short story:

I tried a few times over the weekend to find a opportunity we could see each other with or without the kids, and it seemed that going out for lunch or dinner might be the perfect opportunity. It's all good on paper... Anyway, because of "Two's" work schedule and his need to get to his friends house later after work, I wasn't able to schedule the dinner at Olive Garden at a time that worked for her. I made things complicated because she, sensibly, wanted to go early to avoid the wait, and I couldn't go till later. She got upset with me for making things complicated, and went without me.

Why does it have to be complicated all the time to arrange things. I sometimes wish I was 17 or 18 again without a responsibility in the world and could do what I wanted when I wanted... Then of course I would miss all of the unexpected fun things that do happen and I would miss the sense of accomplishment when something works out... but then again I would also miss the sense of disappointment when it doesn't... hmmm... Later Lou